Over ten days in February, we covered Puerto Rico from the east coast in Fajardo to the west coast in Mayaguez…the northern city of San Juan to the southwestern village of La Parguera…and points between in the island’s mountainous center. The Puerto Rican Tourist Board asks us to explore beyond the shore…we did that and more!

So grab a mojito or a pina colada…this is one looooong trip report.

Day 1 – Chicago to Fajardo/El Conquistador Resort

I hardly slept the night before we left for Puerto Rico. My insomnia was not caused by excited anticipation, but by outside temps plummeting 40 degrees in just a few windy hours’ time. As a result, our house was making loud thumps, creaks, bangs and whistles. A good time indeed to leave the frigid Midwest!

By the time we left for the airport, it was 5 below zero, with wind chills of 25-30 below. It had drizzled the prior afternoon, and when we put luggage in the trunk to head to O’Hare, ice in the latch kept the trunk from shutting. We manipulated it several times and finally got it closed…but consider this foreshadowing of what was to come.

Got to the airport and dashed through the bitterly cold remote parking lot without coats. Finally we’re on the plane, awaiting departure and guess what…we were delayed an hour because they couldn’t get the frozen latch on the door closed! Do you ever get the feeling of déjà vu?

Eventually, we arrived in Puerto Rico safely and not too much later than scheduled. After a visit to Thrifty for the rental vehicle and an hour drive to Fajardo, we arrived at the El Conquistador Resort. It was dark by this time, but we had no trouble finding it. Finding our room at this sprawling resort if not for the bellman’s help, however, would have been another story.

Calling the El Con huge doesn’t begin to describe it. Our room was in the Marina area, which is about as far from the main lobby as you can get. For us, however, this was probably a good location. But getting from the self-parking lot to our room was like planes, trains and automobiles. First, we had to take a shuttle bus from the parking lot to the hotel. Then, it was a walk through the lobby, past the casino, past some shops/restaurants, down an elevator, another walk down an outdoor corridor past more shops, a ride down the funicular, another elevator ride and another walk down a long outdoor corridor, finally to the room. The whole trip could take 30-35 minutes. But once in the Marina area, this was where most things attractive to us were located, including a waterfront bar, the catamaran to El Con’s private beach island and most importantly the ability to walk off the property to some good, local, reasonably priced restaurants. Because you see, this sprawling resort comes at a price: exorbitant food and drink prices.

Virtually every other guest we chatted with was there either for a corporate meeting or as a sales incentive award. If you’re there on an expense account, perhaps these prices are not an issue. But if you’re there on your own dime, you end up feeling gouged. Simple mixed drinks like rum & Coke were $9, a hot dog was also $9 and a small Greek salad was $16. In addition to going off-property for dinner, we stocked supplies for our own in-room breakfasts and snacks.

The room itself was large and beautiful, with a nice view of the marina and open water beyond. The El Con staff is friendly and the grounds are clean and beautiful. But between the sprawling size of the resort and the eye-popping prices, next time we find ourselves in Fajardo, we’ll probably stay at the lower-key Fajardo Inn. Face it, we are just not “big resort people”.

For dinner, we walked down a dark and deserted seaside road to find a cluster of great local restaurants. We chose one called Ocean View, and it turned out to be a very good choice. For less than half of what we might have spent at the resort, we got excellent food and exercise, too. The dark road turned out to be employee parking, and I found out after the fact that we could have parked there, too, saving $15 a day on the self-park lot and being a closer to our room.

Day 2 – El Conquistador

Clearly, it was time to adjust ourselves to island time and get some R&R. We ate breakfast leisurely from items we brought with us, then set out for the beach. At El Con, going to the beach involves another “commute”. Actually very close to our room was the motorized catamaran that takes guests out to Palomino Island, a property the resort maintains as its own private island. It actually was very nice and was probably my favorite part of the entire resort.

The island lies about two miles off the resort’s shoreline. It was a quick and smooth ride over. Palomino is larger than I expected it to be and has ample beach area, plenty of chairs, shaded areas, a restaurant, a couple of bars, a gift shop, nice restrooms, showers, etc. There are also hiking trails and you can even go horseback riding. After some quick refreshments, we decided to go hiking before the heat of the day got too great. I had heard it rumored that there were a couple of isolated beaches that are designated as clothing-optional and it turned out to be true. The trails were rougher than I had pictured: hilly and rocky, with wild thorny bushes on the sides, but it was not too difficult a hike. The reward at the end was a nearly deserted beach and the ability to sun our buns. The downside is that there are no services (read: no beer), so after about an hour we hiked back to “civilization”.

We spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the sun, the water, the warm air and NO SNOW. At about 3:45, we watched one catamaran leave to ferry guests back to the mainland and decided to catch the next one, a half hour later. As that time neared, we packed up our stuff and headed for the dock. No catamaran was waiting. Oh well, island time…it would be here soon enough. Another 15-20 minutes went by. No catamaran. We struck up conversations with others waiting…the line on the dock grew and grew. Still no catamaran. I decided we needed a round of (overpriced) drinks to ease the wait and headed to the bar. There, I learned that not just one but both of the resort’s catamarans had broken down and resort management was trying to figure out how to get the couple hundred of us still on the island back to the resort.

For us, no problem – stuck in paradise – what a great adventure! But there were people who had small children getting tired and cranky…people who needed to get back to take medications…people with dinner reservations or meetings to get to…employees with second jobs elsewhere…and at least one family that was supposed to fly back home that night.

Eventually the resort’s dive boat was dispatched to shuttle groups of 40 or so at a time. In the meantime, we got comfortable seats in the bar and they passed out complimentary drinks and snacks. Since we had no schedule, we volunteered to be on the last boat and watched the sun set over Fajardo. It was finally 7 p.m. by the time we got back, nearly 3 hours later than planned. The resort ended up giving us a $100 credit on our final bill, which helped take the sting out of the overpriced drinks and parking. The next day, I ran into the woman who missed her flight while stuck on the island. While the El Con was covering all additional costs they were incurring, her problem was finding airline seats for her family of five.

If the boats were all that broke down, I could shrug it off, but there were other things that didn’t work right – not as I would expect for a resort of this price point. One of the two phones in our room didn’t work. The DVD/CD player didn’t function properly; even though someone tried to fix it, they never succeeded. A bank of elevators we had to take on the journey from the main lobby to our room was not working one morning. As it turned out, there was another elevator around the corner, but if an employee hadn’t come along just then, we would not have known it was there.

Day 3 – El Conquistador/El Yunque Rainforest

When planning this vacation, we were going to do a day trip to the small island of Culebra, about 12 miles east of Fajardo. There are two ways to get there: a small plane or a ferry. In my research, I never found anything that made the ferry sound like a “vomit comet” the way the boat to St. Barth’s is. That is, until I ran across one family's horror story. That was all I needed to read! I told my husband that unless it was a perfectly calm, flat day, I would not take the ferry under any circumstances. Unfortunately, the timing is such that you sort of need to figure out what you’re going to do the night before because the ferry dock is in one part of Fajardo and the airport is in another.

After some discussion, we decided we would be better off changing our plans and heading to the rainforest instead, where we could get come exercise. We will save Culebra for another time.

This turned out to be a smart decision. I got up early that morning to sit on the balcony with my book, and saw that the seas were quite rough, with brisk winds out of the east. This would not be a good day for a ferry ride! Maybe not such a great day for a small plane ride, either. And something about the scent of the breeze told me rain might be coming, which could put a damper on a day at Culebra’s famous Flamenco Beach overall.

But the rainforest, ah, what is the rainforest without rain? We put on our good walking shoes and jumped in the car (after the 30 minute trek from the room to the parking lot, that is) for a fairly short drive to El Yunque. We opted for the Big Tree trail, the same one we did on our trip to Puerto Rico in 2007. The trail ends at a large waterfall.

As we hiked, the rain I thought I smelled that morning became reality and the skies opened up. A hard rain kept up for about 20 minutes and we did our best to hide under a big palm frond. But overall, it was a good day and we finished with a sense of accomplishment. As our reward, we stopped for a late lunch at La Parilla, one of the area’s famed “kioskos”. Anyone who has been to St. Martin and understands a “lo-lo” understands a kiosko. To us, local food is the best food.

In keeping with our commitment to eating local, we left the resort again that night for dinner to walk down the dark road to “Tommy’s Place” where I had a nice piece of grouper and John had what he declared was the best spiny lobster ever.

It was a tiring day and early to bed for us…the next day we would leave Fajardo for the quest of our trip into the mountainous center of the island and coffee country.

Days 4 / 5 – Fajardo to Jayuya/Hacienda Gripinas

Along with every other way they nickel-and-dime you, El Conquistador is really strict about their check-out time. There’s some ridiculous hourly charge they tack on for late check-out. But, because we had been stranded on Palomino Island earlier during our stay, we never got a chance to enjoy the pool (our original plan had been to come back from the beach and then relax by the pool for another hour or so).

So we called and asked for a couple of extra hours without a charge. At first they said no, but eventually relented. So, we finally spent a little time at the main pool. It was nice, but not more special than other big hotel pools. Actually, one of the reasons we chose to stay at El Con in the first place is because they had just opened an on-property water park. But once we got a look at it, it didn’t seem worth the additional $20 per person charge, so we took a pass on that.

Now, you might have the impression that I didn’t like the El Con at all. Truly, that’s not the case. It’s very nice…it just doesn’t fit our style of travel, and for that reason I don’t think we’ll return. It’s designed to keep you – and your money – on the property, and that is so not us.

Once we checked out, we continued our journey on to a place that is the complete opposite extreme of El Con. Last year, we had spent one night at a parador (Puerto Rican country inn) called Hacienda Gripinas in Jayuya, a small town in the mountains in the center of the island. We enjoyed it enough that this year we decided to spend two nights there. It was a bit of a drive from Fajardo, back through San Juan, another hour further west on the highway, then a final hour on winding mountain roads.

In contrast to El Con, the rooms are very, very basic. There’s a TV, but no phone, and my cell got no reception there either. The room is really nothing but the bed and TV, well-worn bathroom, a miniscule desk and an outdoor deck with a table and chairs. It’s peaceful, but far from luxurious. It wasn’t just the peace and quiet that drew us back…this is the heart of Puerto Rican coffee-growing country. Coffee from Puerto Rico has become a personal quest of ours.

It was at Hacienda Gripinas that I finally got to lay eyes on a coqui frog, a tiny brown amphibian with a very big voice. All night long, they issue a distinctive – and yet strangely soothing – call that sounds like “ko-KEE, ko-KEE”. They usually remain hidden, so seeing one is a special event.

On Thursday, Valentine’s Day, we visited two coffee roasters and spent the rest of the afternoon browsing at a shop featuring crafts created by artisans of native Taino Indian descent and then exploring boulders along the riverfront with ancient Taino petroglyphs.

Although on vacation, John wanted to treat me to a home-cooked Valentine’s dinner. We had brought accessories with us for BBQing and we had a really lovely dinner poolside. It was a perfect and relaxing evening.

That is, until we settled down in the room and turned on the TV. Then we learned about the school shooting at NIU, our alma mater and where we met. Granted, it was 25 years ago, but we both had several classes in Cole Hall, and even writing about it now sends a chill down my spine. It was very freaky to watch the developments televised from 2500 miles away, and very tragic at any distance.

Day 6 – Jayuya to Mayaguez/Howard Johnson’s

After checking out of Hacienda Gripinas – where the total bill for our two nights including dinner the first night was less than just our “incidentals” tab at El Conquistador – our main objective Friday was to get ourselves from the mountain town of Jayuya to the west coast city of Mayaguez. As the crow flies, the two towns are probably no more than 35 miles apart…but there’s no easy, direct way to go. Sure, you can take the “Panoramic Route” through the mountains if you have hours to kill driving endlessly twisting roads. Or you can save your sanity with either the north or the south coastal route.

We decided to take the southern route. We diverted from the highway to explore a couple of little towns. My favorite was La Parguera, a fishing village now with a thriving tourist business. There is a parador there where I would love to stay some day. The Puerto Rican parador system is designed as a network of independently owned inns, many of which are in historic buildings or at least near historic locations. Usually a parador also features a restaurant onsite that serves authentic local food. In general, paradores are quite popular with Puerto Ricans for weekend get-aways. This was a Friday afternoon, and the parador at La Parguera was crowded with folks checking in for the long Presidents Day holiday weekend. But I took a quick look around and found it to be quite lovely.

Our home for Friday night, however, was the Howard Johnson’s in Mayaguez, Puerto Rico’s third-largest city and a town without much renown, except for being home to a large port and a lot of sailors. I hadn’t stayed in a HoJo since I was a kid, and let’s just say expectations were low. We were very pleasantly surprised however, not just by the hotel but also by Mayaguez in general. For just a few dollars more, we opted for a business-class room, which gave us a suite complete with a separate bedroom and small kitchen. The hotel itself was adjacent to the city’s central plaza. The plaza is anchored by a big catholic church on one end, city hall on the other, and features a large statue and fountain commemorating Columbus in the center.

We’d had a late lunch in La Parguera, so for dinner we wandered into an upscale pub and had appetizers and a few drinks. As we were walking back to the hotel, we noticed music coming from the plaza. There was a band playing traditional Puerto Rican folk music, and around the perimeter of the plaza were vendors selling crafts and snacks like piraguas, Puerto Rico’s version of a snow cone. Down one of the streets at the edge of the plaza was a display of customized Jeeps, and at some point all of the Jeeps pulled out in unison, only to be replaced by a display of vintage motorcycles. We sat a while and listened to the music, got some gelato and in general, enjoyed getting our glimpse into an authentic evening, intended for locals and not tourists. Now THIS is how we like to travel!

Day 7 – Mayaguez/Maricao to San Juan

Our reason for staying the night in Mayaguez was to be relatively close to the town of Maricao. Once we nailed down the overall dates for our trip, we discovered there was a coffee harvest festival on while we’d be there. So, we tailored our itinerary to be able to attend.

Before heading out of Mayaguez for the drive to Maricao, we made a stop at Ricomini’s Bakery for a renowned pastry called the brazo gitano, or gypsy’s arm…basically, a jelly roll that goes down really smoothly with good, strong Puerto Rican coffee. The sugar and caffeine powered us for the drive up to Maricao. It seemed there were two routes we could take, so we opted for the one that appeared shorter on the map. What we failed to take into account is the twists ‘n’ turns factor, turning what looked like a 15-mile straight shot into something longer and scarier along the “Ruta Panoramica”. This road was clearly designed for scenic mountain overlooks rather than speedy transport. At one point, we saw a tow truck pulling up a car that had gone over the edge. YIKES!

When we got to Maricao, the last thing we wanted immediately after that white-knuckle ride was more caffeine. At that point, a shot of 151 rum would have been more appropriate! So we entered the fair and spent the first hour or so looking at the various craft vendors. They had everything from jewelry to handmade musical instruments to clothing to Puerto Rican tchotchkes.

Finally, it was time to meet joe -- as in cuppa. There were plenty of vendors to choose from, and most offered complimentary samples. After several of these, I started to wonder if I might lose my ability to ever sleep again. Fortunately, there were many other things to enjoy at the fest – food, drink, live music and entertainment. After a few hours, we decided we better head back to avoid crossing the mountain roads in rain that was threatening. This time we determined to take the supposedly less-twisty route. But, somehow we missed the turnoff and found ourselves again on the Ruta Panoramica. Amazingly, it didn’t seem nearly as bad on the way back!

From there, we headed up to the north coast to make our way back to San Juan. We stopped in the surfing town of Isabella and tried to find the eatery profiled on Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations show. We found the place by name, but it was definitely NOT the same spot where the show was filmed. Whatever…we ended up instead at a nice seafood restaurant without a seaside view, so our bill was probably half of what it would have been if we had dined somewhere waterfront. Good food, too, as attested to by the fact that the place was totally packed with locals, out for a pleasant Friday night dinner.

Then, it was a two-hour drive back to San Juan and the now-swanky Condado Plaza Hotel, our home for the last three nights of this trip.

Day 8 – San Juan/Condado Plaza Hotel

Back in San Juan – staying at the Condado Plaza Hotel for the third time, but the first time since the hotel had undergone a major remodeling. What used to be a charming, if slightly worn, hotel in a fabulous location now looks like a W Hotel…you know, lots or orange and hot pink, gauzy curtains and uncomfortable chairs.

At first, I was really disappointed with the changes. For example, what used to be a local coffee shop in the lobby has become a Starbucks. I didn’t come to an island that actually grows coffee to drink mass-merchandised, over-roasted beans! Or to stop for a nightcap in the lobby bar only to find that they don’t make pina coladas…come on, that drink was invented in Puerto Rico!

But, by morning the shock wore off somewhat. The redecorated rooms themselves are lovely, the view is still great and the oceanside location still can’t be beat! The pool is really nice, they give you as many fluffy beach towels as you want, and the pool bar does make coladas.

And besides, being the kind of people who don’t stick to tourist zones, we can satisfy our need for local culture elsewhere. So, around noon on Sunday, we hopped in the car for a uniquely Puerto Rican experience along the Ruta de Lechoneras.

A lechonera is a casual restaurant that specializes in roast pig, (lechon in Spanish…no kosher food here). About 45 minutes south of the city is the town of Guavate, with lechoneras lined up practically side-by-side. Seating is informal and picnic-style (although covered, which is fortunate as it was raining cats and dogs). A popular activity on weekends for Puerto Ricans is to head out with their entire extended family for lechon. It’s recommended to arrive no later than mid-afternoon, before traffic gets too heavy and the food runs out.

We timed it perfectly and got healthy servings (well, not healthy in the medical sense) of tender, juicy and oh-so flavorful pork, plantains, sausage and other Puerto Rican specialties. To clear your arteries, wash it all down with shots of strong Palo Viejo rum. Around 2 p.m. a band starts to play and everyone starts dancing.

By the time we returned to San Juan, the rain had let up. We strapped on the walking shoes and set off on foot to Old San Juan – not really a good idea because we had to pass through an unsavory-looking warehouse district. That’s the only time I’ve ever felt truly uneasy anywhere we’ve been in Puerto Rico. I guess in the future we’ll stick to the 75-cent bus.

On the other hand, there were some sights we would not have seen if not on foot. Adjacent to the Hilton Hotel, we came upon a small group of protesters who had set up a small tent city. Our curiosity was piqued and we stopped to chat with them to find out what was going on. Turns out they are protesting a huge (and, unfortunately, nearly completed) condo development on public land that includes a historically significant 16th century fort. Although they looked somewhat like hippies, this was actually a highly educated group of engineers, etc. backed by a team of lawyers, trying to fight corruption between the government and a Colombian banker financing the condo project. Private development should never have been allowed on these public lands and the developers are trying to close off access to something that is an important heritage site for Puerto Ricans. Very interesting, and we learned a lot about the government down there, and how grass-roots efforts are making their voices heard through peaceful, though edgy, means.

After that we walked through a public park filled with families on an early Sunday evening. The park also had a pavilion where a traditional-style band was playing. From there, we continued through the unsavory area I mentioned and down to the waterfront plaza that adjoins the cruise ship docks. We’ve developed this tradition whenever we’re in Puerto Rico of taking a party-boat cruise on “La Rumba”. Almost without fail, we’re the only non-Spanish speakers on the cruise. It was getting well into the evening by this point, so we purchased tickets for the 11:30 p.m. cruise and set out to grab some dinner first. For us, the best concierge is either a bartender or a taxi driver. One bartender had recommended Siglo XX (which translates to 20th Century) and we decided to check it out – a good choice that made us feel like we had been transported to Madrid.

That European feel is one of my favorite things about Old San Juan. The city clearly reflects its Spanish roots. But as much as we love Spain, the weak dollar means we probably can’t afford to take a Euro-based vacation any time soon. So what better way to satisfy our desires for foreign lands than Puerto Rico! Many old-country traditions are in place, with the twist of a distinct Latin Caribbean island feel. Layer on the same conveniences you find on the mainland U.S., and all in dollars. Call it the best of all worlds!

Finally, it was time to board La Rumba for our harbor cruise. Like everything else around the Caribbean, actual departure is on “island time”, and it was well after midnight before we sailed. (I think they actually combined the 11:30 and 1 a.m. cruises together with a time that split the difference.) It was close to 3 a.m. by the time we returned to our hotel room, weary but happy from our very full day.

Days 9 /10 – San Juan to Chicago

This trip was swiftly coming to a close, with Monday our last full day. The weather was clear and sunny, and it had been a full week since we’d had a beach/pool day. So I insisted that we take some time for R&R and sit by the pool a good chunk of the day. This vacation hadn’t included too much down time up to this point and it was time to rectify that. Another renovation the hotel had done was put in a nice slide at the pool, and we needed to spend time acting like big kids, too.

From here on in, things wind up fast. We stayed at the pool till mid-afternoon and then decided to make a dash to the Bacardi factory…another San Juan tradition for us. The funny thing about our vacations – whether to the Caribbean or Spain or even Wisconsin – is we keep doing the same activities over and over with every trip to a familiar spot. I guess that’s what tradition is all about.

By the time we finished the Bacardi tour and our complimentary tastings, it was about time for dinner. The first couple of times we drove to the Bacardi tour, we got a little lost in the area behind the factory. I remembered traveling down a street that had a lot of restaurants, so this time we got ourselves back there purposely. The notable things about the restaurant we chose – other than the food being very good – is that the dining area had no lights, only candles. With my over-40 eyes, I had to have the waiter bring me a flashlight to read the menu. I have to say, the weak eyes thing is the worst part of getting older!

We went back to the room to pack up, got to bed at a relatively reasonable hour and spent a leisurely final morning on our balcony, drinking coffee and eating food we’d brought with us. Yes, it’s possible to cook a full meal with one of those 4-cup hotel room coffee pots!

Everything else went like clockwork, more or less. Our flight was more than an hour delayed because they found a gouge in the paint on the plane. I guess fixing the gouge itself was no big deal, but they had some kind of snafu in getting the paperwork cleared on it. Many of our fellow passengers missed connections at O’Hare. For us, it simply meant one more hour before we had to face the bitter cold in Chicago.

And cold it was, although slightly less brutal than when we left. So here we are, more than a month later, and Chicago still feels quite wintry. Between that, various family members, including my husband, have been in and out of hospital emergency rooms with different afflictions every since we returned. It’s hard to believe we were feeling carefree in the warmth of Puerto Rico just over a month ago…